What do you like to do for fun?  

I love to hike. I really love hiking with a good friend and spending that time catching up. 
 
I love to read, listen to some great music, or even a great audiobook. I also love the opportunity to learn something new and take the time to figure something out on my own.  

We all like different things and the definition of fun may vary for each of us. And most people enjoy and benefit from setting time aside in our busy schedules to have a good time.  

But, what do you do for fun at work? Yes, I said, "at work".   

When you think of the list of priorities in your workplace, having fun may be low on that list or even missing altogether.  
And yet, it plays an important role in teams and organizations.

Having fun at work boosts morale, reduces stress, and increases creativity. It also helps create connections, build trust and strengthen relationships, all of which support the development of a high-performing team.   

So, what have you done for fun at work?  

I’ve heard many examples from clients over the years - from team building activities, happy hour with the team after work, painting classes, and more.  

People seem to enjoy spending time together and getting to know each other in a non-work-related setting. They form stronger connections and build trust which positively impacts their work together.  

How might this be useful to you and your team?   

Many clients tell me that in the past, making connections with co-workers felt easier. There were opportunities to have informal conversations by grabbing lunch or a coffee with a colleague, running into someone in the elevator, or chatting at the famous "water cooler".   

Those informal opportunities to connect vanished for those who abruptly shifted to working remotely.   

Since the start of the pandemic, people have had to become really intentional about creating connections and strengthening relationships within their teams.   

How do you look at having fun together and creating that personal connection? And what are some of the ways that you have found that have worked for your group?   
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I look forward to hearing your ideas. 

I was born and raised in Honolulu, Hawaii. It was an awesome place to grow up. As the youngest of three with two older brothers, by all accounts, I had a good childhood. 

But somewhere along the road, I got the message that being “appropriate” was more important than being me.

My parents, especially my dad, indicated that I should be careful about how I was presenting myself. I needed to be aware of what others thought of me and should do my best to fit in.  

There was a specific interaction with my dad that I'll never forget that really brought this home for me. It was a small moment and I took away a powerful message.  

I was chewing gum, and my father said to me, “Don’t chew gum, it makes you look cheap.” He said it with a smile, and playfully - and yet - I think he meant it.  

Apparently, there was an expectation of what I should do and how I should look and gum-chewing did not fit into that picture! Who knew?  

I became a student of how to be appropriate. I became masterful at tuning in to what was happening around me, noticing how others were responding to my presence and behavior, and then molding myself into who I thought they wanted me to be. In almost any setting I could quickly figure out how to be appropriate.

Looking back on the gum-chewing incident, I believe my father meant well. He wanted the best for me, and as the only girl, surely I should be aware of how I was being perceived as others. I mean, that was my job, right? To look good for the family….

And there were ways in which my dad was old school. For example, when I was choosing which college to attend, he told me that surely I should enroll at Stanford because I would likely be meeting my husband there. But that’s another story.

My point is, that he likely didn’t realize the impact of his message - that this focus on nudging me to fly below the radar, to be a good girl, and to pay attention to what others thought of me would not serve me in the long run.  Don’t stand out. Don’t upset people. And for goodness sake, don’t look cheap!! 

Now there was a payoff to this. I was a good student, didn’t get in much trouble growing up, and I can really read a room! But there was also a cost.  

The cost was my authenticity, joy and full self-expression. I tempered the real me. I held her back and closed her down in places where she was too much, too big, or not appropriate.   

So, I had to relearn how to be who I really am. I had to figure out what it is that I want in my life and how I want to be.   

That is likely why I am so passionate about helping others do the same and to find more aliveness, voice, and authenticity.

And it’s true, it can feel vulnerable to be yourself. Sometimes it feels easier to fit in. 

Being myself feels risky because if I'm being me in all my inappropriate and appropriate ways and I get rejected, that hurts.   

And yet, the price to pay to be appropriate for me was greater and was no longer serving me. 

What are the places where you feel like you have molded yourself to meet someone else's expectations? What are the beliefs that are no longer serving you?  

As you explore these places, I invite you to be brave in your exploration and to be kind with yourself.   


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Several of my clients have been engaging in the 360 feedback process recently. And I’ve been reflecting on the value of feedback and about understanding how our style is being experienced by others.
In Marshall Goldsmith’s book What Got You Here Won't Get You There, Goldsmith discusses how the skills that got us to a certain level in an organization may be different from the skills we need to get us to the next level.
But how do we really know which habits and behaviors are making us truly effective leaders and which are getting in our way?  Seeking feedback is a good start.
The 360 Feedback process gives us a 360 degree view of our leadership style.
An individual participating in the process takes a self-survey and then selects evaluators (boss, peers, direct reports and others) to respond to the same questions. 
When the individual receives the feedback report, they get a picture of where they are aligned with how others see them, and where there are gaps.
Gaps can show up for different reasons. One reason may be that the behaviors that took us to one level in our career may not serve us as we move to higher levels of leadership. 
For example, somebody who is very driven may excel in their organization because of that drive. But when they become a leader and people manager in a more senior position, that hard-pressing drive might actually burn people out. It might feel overwhelming and unsustainable to others.
Or, it might serve someone very well in their career to be agreeable, adaptable, and easy to work with, but as they rise to a senior leadership role, this same behavior could be perceived as being too passive.
The 360 process shines a light on these gaps and belief systems, allowing the leader to gain an understanding of how they are seen by others. Informed with this data, he or she can grow and develop by building on strengths and adapting in problematic areas.
What do you know about how other people perceive you as a leader? Would it be helpful to get some feedback to see where there may be gaps in the intention of your behaviors and the impact they have on others?
Sometimes the 360 process can be scary for people because they are afraid of what they might hear or they are worried it will be hurtful.
And to that, I say that whether you are hearing the feedback or not, people are thinking it … So better to have the information and face it head on rather than be blindsided in the future.
If you would like to know more about this process and how it might benefit you in your role, let’s chat.  
As Ken Blanchard is quoted as saying, “Feedback is the breakfast of champions.”   

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